Like Meeting the Parents, Only Worse
by Nkiseki
Summary: In which Allen is a glutton, Link becomes his roommate, and how Allen's friends and their siblings kind of suck. This is the story of how mostly everyone met Link. AU


**Title:** Like Meeting the Parents, Only Worse

**Fandom:** DGM

**Word Count:** 2700+

**Rating:** PG

**Summary: **In which Allen is a glutton, Link becomes his roommate, and how Allen's friends (and their siblings) kind of suck. This is the story of how [mostly] everyone met Link. [AU]

**Notes:** Yay gen fic? I'm still trying to learn how to write these characters, and wow, I didn't realize it was so difficult to write Lenalee and Link. Practice, practice, practice. This takes place in the same universe as my other fic, _Cloudy with a Chance of Isolated Storms_. Edits, please?

The story of how Howard Link moved in with Allen was a strange one at best, creepy and disturbing at worse. The tale went something like this: Allen returned to his apartment one night after a typical evening spent at the Dark Order and just found a weird blond man with two spots on his forehead and single braid sitting in his kitchen, eating what looked to be half a chocolate cake. "Who in the world are you and what are you doing in my apartment?" Allen yelped, pointing in confusion at the man. Despite his rather girly reaction, Allen was by no means incapable of taking the stranger out if necessary—he had been raised on the streets after all.

If the strange cake-eating man was surprised by Allen's reaction, he didn't show it. Instead, the man went to the counter, picked up a delicious smelling pie and presented it to Allen.

"My name is Howard Link, nice to meet you. I've prepared an apple pie, so please feel free," Link told him, and Allen swore that that pie sparkled. It also smelled absolutely divine; his mouth salivated just looking at the pie.

The one sin that Allen always admitted to was gluttony. Without thinking, Allen automatically fetched a fork from the utensils rack and went at it.

"Thank you! That's very thoughtful of you. I'm not going to be polite then." And then he put a forkful of pie in his mouth and oh why it was so good? The piecrust was perfect and flaky and the apples were cooked to a point where it practically melted in Allen's mouth. The sweetness was light and contrasted so delightfully with the cinnamon, and there was this little extra something that Allen couldn't quite figure out but it made the pie even better. It was like sex but a million times better. The words spilled from his mouth before he could even think over what he said, "Oh my god, marry me."

Link blinked, not sure he heard the pale haired man correctly. "Excuse me?"

"This is fantastic," Allen told link through mouthfuls of pie. When Allen reached the halfway point with his pie, he finally remembered the situation of there being a complete stranger in his home and made a noise of distress. "Wait! I still don't know what you're doing here!"

"I've moved in," Link explained rather simply.

"Why wasn't I informed of this?" Allen asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowed at blond.

"I don't know," Link answered truthfully, his lips thinned to a firm line while he observed Allen. "That is not my responsibility."

"That's bull!" Allen exclaimed, mouth twisting into a small frown. His landlord should have informed him or something! Which brought the man to another point, Allen never requested for a roommate! "How can I suddenly just have a roommate? That makes little to no sense when I didn't even request for one! I can pay rent just fine on my own so I don't need a roommate!"

"Well, that's not what the landlord told me," Link calmly explained to Allen. "I have all the paperwork and everything, so if you want to look at that…"

Allen scrutinized Link. His street instincts were telling him that the guy was not a bad person, if a bit serious. Still, there was something odd about this situation that the pale-haired man could not put his finger on. Shaking his head Allen conceded that it wouldn't be terrible having a roommate, if the guy didn't steal anything from him at least, it should work out just fine.

"That's okay," Allen said at last, still frowning. "I'm still a little confused, but I guess I can accept this for now. You're not going to steal my stuff, are you? Because I grew up on the streets and I will hunt you down if you mess with me."

"I have a fairly substantial income, so I wouldn't have to. I work as an assistant baker at Leverrier's actually," Link informed Allen conversationally.

"Leverrier's?" Allen repeated, his eyes glowing. "The place with the super delicious cakes and amazing cream puffs that are like little bits of heaven sent to earth, that Leverrier's?"

"Yes, that's the one," Link nodded, somewhat dazed by Allen's enthusiastic reaction.

"Can you get discounts?"

"Well, yes."

"Okay, I approve of you," Allen said satisfied as he returned to consuming the whole of the pie, just thinking about the different baked goods he's always wanted but was never able to afford. "I'm Allen, by the way. Allen Walker."

"I know, Mister Marian told me. I've been watching you for a while now, just to make sure we'd be compatible. You work at the Millennium Casino as a card dealer, right?"

Allen didn't pause to wonder why Link had just confessed to essentially stalking him, and paled instead at the name mentioned. "Marian? As in Cross Marian? You met him?"

"Of course; he gave me the keys to this place this morning when I gave him my deposit," Link informed Allen, giving him a strange look.

And suddenly, it all made sense; stupid Cross and his stupid debts and his stupid lying.

"He is dead. I am going to kill him the next time I see him," Allen growled angrily, snapping the stainless steel fork in half.

While Allen sank into a dark world of hate and frustration, Link quietly finished the rest of his cake and washed up. Link's sharp eyes never left the other man if only to make sure that he himself was safe from sudden lashes, which seemed quite possible from the little that he learned about Allen in the last few minutes.

"I'm… going to bed," Link told Allen before he quickly shuffled off. He's pretty sure that Allen didn't hear him, but Link certainly heard Allen grinding his teeth before he shut the door to his room. Link made sure to lock the door that night, just in case.

The story of how Lavi met Link was a short one. It happened a week after Link moved in with Allen and Lavi had followed Allen home for two reasons: 1) Allen still had Lavi's Nintendo DS and the redhead wanted it back to play "Professor Layton and the Case of the Curious Village" (because Lenalee said it was so fun!), and 2) he wanted to meet the man's new roommate courtesy of Cross. When they arrived at Allen's apartment, Link was on his way out for his evening jog, decked out in his olive green tracksuit.

"Walker," Link said by way of greeting.

"Hello, Link," Allen greeted, all smiles. "This is my friend, Lavi. Lavi, this is my roommate, Howard Link."

"Nice to meet you," Link politely said to Lavi.

"Link?" The redhead repeated taking in the blond man's outfit and then smirked at Allen, "Then are you supposed to be his Zelda?"

Allen did not find it funny, and neither did Link. As a result, Lavi was banned from their apartment for three months. Considering that whenever they did any group get together was always at Allen's apartment, Lavi missed out on quite a lot during those three months. Funny enough, the punishment passed over Lavi and transferred to Kanda because Kanda's apartment became Lavi's new hangout location since Allen expelled him. Needless to say, Kanda was not pleased with the arrangements.

There is no official story behind how Kanda met Link. At first, Allen thought they knew each other because they nodded before Allen even introduced Link. Then, Allen wasn't so sure because Lenalee said that she's did not know about Link and Lenalee was the expert on all things related to Kanda's social life. In fact, Allen couldn't be sure whether the two had ever even spoken to one another. But whenever they met each other, there would be a short nod of acknowledgement before they would completely ignore each other.

Allen asked Link about it once, when Allen convinced Link to have dinner at Jerry's Pizza. Link ordered Chicken Tiki Marsala with basmati rice, and Allen had three meatloaf sandwiches, because Jerry made practically anything his customers ordered.

"What's up with you and Kanda?"

"What do you mean?" Link asked between bites of chicken.

"You guys always nod at each other," Allen said, gesturing vaguely in way of explanation. "But you've never said a single word to the other. Have you? I've never seen you guys talk or anything, but you act as if you know each other."

Link only shrugged before asking whether Allen wanted to get tiramisu for dessert. It took less than a second for Allen to agree, and add a crème brulee to the order. It wasn't until Allen lied in bed that night, trying to fall asleep when he realized that Link never answered his question.

The day Lenalee met Link was possibly one of the more terrifying days of Allen's short life. It started about three days before Lavi met Link when Allen walked into the Dark Order after a morning shift at work. One of his many bosses' daughters, Rhode Camelot, came in and instead of actually dealing cards at the Hold 'em tables, Allen had to entertain her instead. Needless to say, it was exhausting and Allen was good and ready to get alcohol in his system, and just share his misery with another soul. Usually that other soul meant Lavi because Lavi listened to all his woes without worrying. Occasionally, Allen would share his problems with Lenalee, but only when it didn't involve anything that would worry her. Kanda was just not an option for many, many reasons; the first being that Kanda didn't want to listen to any of their problems.

Considering that his problem concerned Rhode, Allen could not talk to Lenalee, and that left Lavi. Unfortunately, Lenalee showed up first, and ordered her raspberry ice tea before talking about the Heart Café thinking of starting a live music Friday, and open mic Saturdays. Kanda arrived halfway through the conversation, telling them how one of the kids at in his class sprained an arm, which resulted in a very long argument with the kid's parents who already were warned of possible injuries in class.

"The brat didn't have much of a problem with it," Kanda grumbled, downing his beer. "God, I hate overbearing parents."

"We're not so lucky to have experienced such problems," Allen muttered, not really sure which number of beer he was on because he thought it would be smarter to stop counting after five.

Kanda didn't say anything after that, even though Lenalee reassured Kanda that they weren't really offended, and that Allen was just kidding. Lenalee had to go home to prepare dinner, and left leaving Allen alone with the still silent Kanda. By this point, Allen wasn't really be bothered by the fact that his only company was the human ice block, and rambled about one thing or another to fill the silence. More than once, Allen was pretty sure Kanda tried to take his drink from him. The somewhat-depressed man thought he was saved when Lavi finally arrived, Kanda leaving immediately at that point after mumbling something to the redhead.

When Lavi sat down across from Allen, the white haired boy turned a lopsided grin on him.

"I've been having a piss-terrible week."

Allen vaguely remember Lavi making a crack about Allen's popularity with women, while Allen went on and on about Rhode making him miserable at work. By the end of the evening, when Lavi was helping Allen hobble home, Allen told him about his new roommate.

After Lavi met Link, he went and told Lenalee the story of what happened.

"And you won't believe how short the guy is," Lavi said, gesturing at Lenalee to make her visualize. "He's like, Allen's height! And his name is Link!"

"Like, Legend of Zelda, Link?" Lenalee asked.

"Exactly! He was wearing green too," Lavi explained, "So what else was I supposed to think? Then I called Allen, Princess Zelda, and they got pissed at me, and I'm now apparently banned from their apartment."

"Oh Lavi, I'm sure they'll forgive you soon," Lenalee told him, eyes glowing with amusement. "But now I'm intrigued and want to meet Allen's new roommate."

At first, Allen resisted Lenalee's requests to meet Link because he did not want another remark like Lavi's. Knowing that Lenalee was the one who frequently introduced games to Lavi actually made Allen even more wary of having the girl meet Link. But then Lenalee convinced him by offering to treat him to cake at Leverrier's if they went to meet Allen's not-so-mysterious roommate, and Allen could never say no to food. That was the first mistake he made. So Lenalee contacted her brother, telling him she was going to be late, and off they went.

Upon arriving at the little bakery, they went up to the counter and asked whether the assistant baker, Link, already left for the day. Lenalee ordered a slice of Princess Cake and Allen selected the Mango Mousse. They didn't wait long before Link came out, uniform gone and ready to go home.

"Link!"

"Walker? Might I ask why you're here?"

Allen waved at the Chinese girl sitting next to him as an explanation. "She wanted to meet you. This is my friend, Lenalee Lee."

"Hello," Lenalee greeted, nodding her head in a slight bow. "It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"I'm afraid I can't say the same," Link said, bowing his head in response. "But it's nice to meet you too."

They talked pleasantries for a while, and Lenalee complimented Link on the Princess Cake. Link told her that he actually made the Mango Mousse, and Allen quickly offered Lenalee to try his cake. That was the second mistake Allen made. When Lenalee tried the baked good, she grinned at how delicious it was.

However, she was a Princess Cake-lover at heart and offered a bite to Allen. It was only fair that they exchanged taste tests, so Allen readily accepted. That was his third mistake because the moment he did, an anguished cry sliced the peace of the bakery and Lenalee's brother dearest darted from the door to their little table, booting Allen to the floor.

"I knew you couldn't be trusted, Allen Walker!" he declared, shielding his dear sister from the white haired man. Link's eyes widened marginally at the sudden scene and wasn't completely sure whether he should back away or not.

"I didn't do anything, Komui!" Allen tried to defend himself.

"Indirect kiss with my Lenalee!" Komui accused, his eyes shielded behind the glimmer of his glasses. The image of mad scientists came to Link's mind.

"Gege, it's not like that," Lenalee pleaded with her brother, tugging on his arm in attempt to get him to stop overreacting. "We're only friends!"

"You don't need to protect him, Lenalee," Komui told his sister. "Men are wild, disgusting beasts who only want to take advantage of you. You don't need to worry, because your dear brother will protect you."

"It's a misunderstanding, I swear!" Allen told Komui as he scrambled to hide behind Link who seemed to be the only safe one in their given situation. Allen was convinced that Komui would not harm a stranger.

Clearly, Allen was wrong when a very odd-looking toy robot came from the recesses of Komui's white trench and made to shoot lasers at them. Luckily, Link was quick and leapt out of his chair before being hit. The chair he previously occupied did not share such a blessed fate and disintegrated.

"Cease this immediately! This is still private property," Link tried sternly, standing up against Komui's rampage.

Link was quite understandably ignored. Allen had to concoct a plan though frantic mental messages between him and Link to lead Komui out of the store before anything else got destroyed. It worked, but Allen had not known that the robot also had literal fire power. As a result, he suffered third-degree burns on his left hand and had to go to the emergency room immediately after that fiasco.

Lenalee felt terribly guilty about it, because the scarring on the man's hand was permanent. Allen decided right then and there that he was never ever going to date Lenalee. Even thinking about it brought phantom pains to his hand.

On the plus side, Allen took two weeks off work to recuperate, and Lenalee felt so responsible for his permanent scarring that she went over to his apartment every day to cook dinner for the duration of Allen's sick leave. Though he only partially blamed her, and mostly forgave everyone, Allen could not bring himself to say no when the girl offered to cook. He also learned during that time that Link's heart was kind of soft and fluffy because the man came home most days to help Allen make lunch.

Allen was almost disappointed when he had to go back to work after his sick leave ended.


End file.
